Assignment task:
I have struggled with the cycle of unforgiveness most of my life. I have an aunt, mother-in-law, and spouse who have all wronged me in more ways than I could count. However, I recognize I played a part in the situations as well, it doesn't excuse what they have done. My cycle of unforgiveness starts with the offense, and often, I have an extremely hard time feeling like I owe them forgiveness. I allow things to fester for a while, and sometimes, it can take me several months to a year to have another conversation with that person. Then, over the course of time, I finally can let those things go and can forgive. I've been working diligently on working forgiving others so that I don't fall into this cycle. Impact of the cycle of unforgiveness The impact of unforgiveness on individuals, relationships, families, and communities results in broken relationships and angst against others around them. By broken relationships, I mean families and communities divided because of an issue they could not get past from years prior. I've seen this with my mother-in-law; she has broken relationships with most people, especially her family. She lives a very lonely life and has lots of bitterness towards others. She has anger towards her stepmom because she married her dad and feels that he abandoned her once he married his wife. This has clouded her relationship with her half-sister because she can't stand her mom. Anytime a person does something that causes her pain, she cuts them off and creates narratives on why the other person is the problem instead of her inability to forgive. We had a falling out about year two of my marriage; it is now year eight, and this is the first time we have spoken. I called to clear the air, and though she stated she had forgiven whatever offense she had, she still brought up things from the past, and the cycle continued. Justice and forgiveness Justice is making things right, and forgiveness means no longer holding on to the debt against the person who sinned against you (ApplyGodsWord.com/MarkBallenger, 2018). These two things are connected because to make things right, you have first to let go of the offense that was made against you. Forgiving someone allows God to stand in the gap and obtain justice for you. God promises to make all things right in the end, so if we do our job to forgive others, he will make things right. Forgiveness isn't an easy thing, but it is required of us to do; this doesn't mean reconciliation has to occur, but we must forgive (ApplyGodsWord.com/MarkBallenger, 2018). Christian social workers As Christian social workers, we emphasize to our clients that forgiveness is for our well-being. We forgive and care for ourselves; otherwise, we only harm ourselves. The reading described that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. So, speaking with my client about the healing process and how it begins with forgiveness to the one who offended us is the way we move forward. I understand this is a delicate process, and forgiveness is hard for me, but walking alongside my client and challenging them to work on their healing is what would help them move forward. Two insights gained This week's video was eye-opening, and one insight I gained was that forgiveness and reconciliation aren't the same. Just because you forgive someone for hurting you deeply doesn't mean reconciliation has to happen. Another insight gained was being reminded that we should practice forgiving others just like God has done for us so many times (ApplyGodsWord.com/MarkBallenger, 2018). It can be easy to see others' offenses, but when we offend others, we give ourselves more grace than we ought. These insights