Individual Feedback:
It's a start. You state in the beginning what you will be discussing, but this is not supposed to be a typical research paper where you discuss something. It is supposed to be a proposal. What are you proposing? Who are you proposing it to? Typically, a proposal could be addressed to the executives of a company to install new training software or to add a gym to the building or something else. Also, you are not using sources correctly. It is not correct to use a source's information for a whole paragraph and plop a citation at the end. You are supposed to provide a citation for each sentence that has borrowed information. You are also supposed to write your own topic sentence for a paragraph and then bring in quoted or paraphrased source information to support what you have to say. So far, you have a rough two pages but not a complete paper. In addition to 6 to 8 pages of the main paper, you need the other pages (title page, transmittal memo, table of content, abstract, etc). You are supposed to bring in the research you conducted to show your graph and explanations. Keep going. You have a basic start but also a lot more work to do.
2 A clear statement of purpose is identified.
2 The draft is organized and coherent; transitions create a logical flow.
1 Research is integrated throughout the paper.
0 Writing includes primary research and a discussion of his/her findings.
0 The writer integrates graphics to clarify the researcher's data.
2 The content supports claims and generalizations.
1 The conclusion restates the thesis and summarizes the paper.
3 Reference page is in proper APA format; includes a minimum of six (6) peer-reviewed sources with no more than one non-juried Internet site being used.
1 Paper meets page requirements of 10-12 pages and includes all required components (Transmittal letter, Title page, Table of Contents, and Informative Abstract).
4 Writing is free of errors in mechanics, usage, and sentence structure.