According to Tannen, what do women complain about most in their marriages?
What is Tannen's purpose in writing this essay? Do you think she wants to inform or persuade?
Would you say that Tannen's tone is hopeful, despairing, sarcastic, angry, or something else? Explain.
Tannen concludes her essay with a far-reaching statement. What do you think she hopes to accomplish with this conclusion? Is she successful?
Discussion 1: According to Tannen married woman complain most about communication in their marriages. Tannen cites studies done by Andrew Hacker, Catherine Kohler Riessman, and herself to support this statement. Personally I would have to agree with what Tannen is saying, not solely on what she wrote,but also based off life experience. I think Tannen makes a good point here and backs it up with some very good verbiage that drives the point home. I am always very hesitant to believe so called cited studies or surveys when being used to back up a specific point. We live in a day and age where you can simply find "evidence" for almost any point of view on the Internet and who is to say what is credible and what is not. Having said that I have also spent a significant amount of my life trying to teach myself how to be a better communicator as I understand its overwhelming importance. I was not given the right tools as a child and young adult to allow me to be a good communicator so I understand how much upbringing has to do with this just as Tannen speaks about. We are all products of our environment and most of our behavioral skills are learned, so if what we learned does not work we must make a conscious effort to unlearn and relearn skills. Tannen spoke of this with the guy that decided to look at his girlfriend when she spoke as opposed to close his eyes. Anyone that has been in a relationship before can tell you that 2 people do not always communicate the same way and that it can lead to significant problems. I think of the book The 5 Love Languages and inside of it they explain how all people receive love and understand love in different ways. If you have a man who understands touch best he may try to also show that love in the way he best understands by communicating it through touch. Now if the woman in this equation understands words of affirmation then that communication is going to not only be lost, but it will create a void between the two. This void which isn't created by a lack of love, but more from a lack of understanding of how to communicate that love with each other in a way the other understands. I also don't think that generalizing this topic as Men vs. Women is really that valid. I think it should just be people as it is not based purely off the gender of the person, but more importantly the way they were brought up to communicate.
discussion 2: COLLAPSE
According to Tannen women complain most about men because they live in a hierarchical world, where talk maintains independence and status. In my opinion Tannen is trying to persuade readers to think the way she thinks and agree with her by giving examples on how men don't talk much at home women does the talking all the time. I think Tannen's tone is strong and for myself being married I can relate to her examples about men just trying to talk interrupting your conversation and not caring about what us women have to say. I think Tannen is succesful because like people say "women usually wear the pants in the relationship"