Problem
This is a story from a child's point of view. Think carefully about the language you use. Is it age appropriate? Ask yourself as you are writing: does it really sound like a child? Or is this how an adult thinks a child sounds? Does it sound like an adult? Try not to confuse these issues, don't talk down, and don't overly simplify or complicate. Children are complex people, too - but their worldview and thought processes are different. Think of a core childhood memory and how you felt at the time; your thoughts and perceptions - use this as a guide.