Assignment Task:
Response to Bridget
Option 1: Discuss various models or conceptualizations (e.g., Gottman, Emotionally-Focused, Imago Therapy, Solution-Focused, Narrative, Bowenian-or other intrapsychic models) found in the literature that addresses relational/marital intimacy. Compare and contrast them with consideration of a biblical worldview and clinical utility. Choose 1 model and discuss how you would apply it to helping a premarital or remarital couple with intimacy issues.
Relational/marital intimacy is an important aspect to marriage. Emotional and physical closeness are primary attributes which set marriage apart from other relationships. Problems occur when individuals struggle to communicate about feelings and intimacy. Several models of therapy address building intimacy within a marriage. Gottman and Silver (2000) share crucial points around building fondness and admiration within a marital relationship. They recognize the importance of reinforcing positive thoughts within oneself with regards to one's spouse. Intentionally forming a positive view and focusing on what is pleasing to the person is the key to creating a strong physical and emotional bond. They share that this is the antidote to contempt, one of the four horsemen that create an environment for divorce. The other three horsemen are criticism, defensiveness and stonewalling. Contempt is identified in this area as being important because it involves disrespect and malice toward a spouse. To build fondness and admiration, one must be marinating on positives, not repeating negative narratives about a partner. An effective exercise utilized in the Gottman Method is the seven-week course in fondness and admiration (Gottman & Silver, 2000). This is an exercise that helps a couple to focus on pleasing and intimate parts of their spouse. It gives daily thoughts to meditate on and tasks to do to build intimacy and positivity in a marriage.
From a clinical and biblical perspective, the Gottman Method is sound and congruent with both. Clinically, the Gottman Method, with regards to building fondness and admiration, falls nicely into a Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) camp. Identifying negative beliefs about a spouse and challenging them with positive, intentional counter beliefs is very much aligned with CBT principles. In addition, from a biblical worldview the Gottman Method for increasing fondness and admiration is congruent with scripture, such as, " Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things" (New International Version, 1997, Philippians 4:8). God calls us to think kindly and truthfully about each other; this is most important in a marital relationship.
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) sees intimacy and satisfying sex as an outgrowth of an emotionally engaged and bonded couple (Johnson, 2008). Johnson (2008) notes that when a relationship is souring sex is usually one of the first areas to decline. To keep intimacy alive and exciting communication between the couple is imperative. Johnson (2008) further notes that passion ebbs and flows in a long-term relationship, this is to be expected and navigated over a lifetime of love. She shares that feeling undesired is a damaging stance in a relationship, even more wounding than not having intercourse at all. Johnson (2008) encourages honest, open conversations that evoke transparency about needs and expectations. These conversations foster secure attachment, which is part of the goal of EFT. It is imperative that couples make it a safe environment for true intimacy to occur, this includes validation and no shaming of partners.
Emotionally Focused Therapy from a clinical and biblical standpoint provides solid information that is congruent with both. Clinically, open, honest communication skills are important to increase understanding and intimacy. Many couples attend counseling complaining of communication struggles. Giving them tools to communicate effectively is of great importance. This aligns with understanding the need for transparency, intimacy and attachment in a marital relationship. From a biblical worldview, EFT aligns with scripture quite well, for instance it is said, "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh"(New International Version, 1997, Genesis 2:24). This is a call for attachment at a foundational level. This is indicative of our human desire for a mate, helper and lover.
The model I chose to utilize to help a couple with premarital or remarital intimacy issues is the Gottman Method. I would utilize the book by Gottman and Silver (2000) The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work as a supplement to counseling sessions. This book utilizes several exercises to build friendship, intimacy and trust, which imperative to fortifying a solid relationship. I would go through each principle, including enhancing love maps, nurturing fondness and admiration, turning toward each other, letting your partner influence you, solving solvable problems, overcoming gridlock and creating shared meaning (Gottman & Silver, 2000). As I went through each principle in separate sessions, I would ask them to do the exercises in the book and bring results in for discussion. This would allow for homework and reinforcement between sessions. Need Assignment Help?
References:
- Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2000). The seven principles for making marriage work. [Pbk. ed.]. Three Rivers Press.
- Johnson, S. M. (2008). Hold me tight: Seven conversations for a lifetime of love. Little, Brown Spark.
- New International Version, 1997. Life Application Study Bible.