Q1. Access a State of Calm Defenselessness:
Q2. When you were in the conflict/situation, what state of mind, emotion, and body you were in?
Q3. What changes would you have to make to access that state of calm defenselessness in that situation?
- Separate Person from Behaviour:
- What behavior was objectionable to you?
- What behavior hurt you? How did it hurt you? In what way?
- What damage was it doing? How did you know and make that evaluation?
Q4. Search for the positive intention behind the behaviors of the other person. Even the most destructive of behaviors have positive intentions behind them:
- What do you think they wanted from the relationship?
- What do you think was their true intention in doing or not doing X?
- What did they hope to accomplish or get from doing or not doing Y?