Problem
In "The New Momism," Susan Douglas and Meredith Michaels chart a "set of ideals, norms, and practices" that have emerged and gained in strength since the 1980s. Propagated in large part by mainstream mass media, the "new momism" or "intensive mothering" involves "honey-hued ideals of perfect motherhood" in which "motherhood is eternally fulfilling and rewarding, that is always the best and most important thing you do, that there is only a narrowly prescribed way to do it right, and that if you don't love each and every second of it there's something really wrong with you" (237). Such ideals, Douglas and Michaels argue, simply create impossibly high standards for mothers for whom the everyday realities of mothering are often difficult and messy. They write that the new momism is defined by "the insistence that no woman is truly complete or fulfilled unless she has kids, that women remain the best caretakers of children, and that to be a remotely decent mother, a woman has to devote her entire physical, psychological, emotional, and intellectual being, 24/7, to her children" (238).
With the cutbacks to social programs for mothers and families beginning with the Reagan administration in the 80s, many women with children were in situations with few structural aids and collapsing public institutions. At the same time, the conservative Republic administrations that governed the US from 1980 to 1992 engaged in a moralizing practice of "mother blaming" in which mothers were charged with failing to raise fit future citizens. According to this ethos, mothers were not only supposed to be individually responsible for the well-being of their children, but they were also shouldered with the moral burden of the fate of the nation.
Along with media dissemination of images of bad welfare, teenaged, and "crack" mothers, arose impossibly perfect ideals of the "good mother," often depicted as white, affluent, and heterosexual. Buttressed by Martha Stewart-style representations of domesticity, the good mother is supposed to be an excellent housekeeper, cook, engage in handmade crafts and other stimulating activities with her children, and participate in furthering and ensuring their proper education. Even if a woman works a full-time job, she is still supposed to make her children a priority and not expect her male partner to pick up the slack-in short, she needs to be a superwoman. Douglas and Michaels argue that these ideals are prohibitive and serve to redomesticate women who had benefitted from the feminist movements of the 70s.
The "contorting contradiction" of the "good mother" who also works is that she is encouraged to be tough, competitive, and behave like men on the job while at the same time being patient, compassionate, and selfless at home. The irony is that both stay-at-home mothers and working mothers, assert Douglas and Michaels, "get to be failures. The ethos of intensive mothering has lower status in our culture ('stay-at-home mothers are boring'), but occupies a higher moral ground ('working mothers are neglectful')" (244). Mainstream mass media have been staging "mommy wars," which pit stay-at-home mothers against each other, even though the reality is that many women have either been one or another at various points in their lives. In turn, women who are not mothers get cut out of the picture.
What do you think about the "new momism"? Do you find that the ideals and practices of the new momism dominate US culture and media representations? What do you make of the double bind of working mothers who feel pressured to "do it all"-be attentive caregivers and successful career women? If you are a mother, do you find yourself influenced by ideals of perfect motherhood?