Assignment:
Here are the needed correction and please make sure the Thesis is sound.
Below, you will find a revision plan along with margin comments within your paper. Use my suggestions as a starting point for the revision process. Also, please note that I have not edited or proofread the entire draft for minor errors, but rather, focused on overall concerns such as idea development.
For your revisions, I suggest focusing on:
1. There is a lot of information in your paper on the topic of both wealth disparities and democracy; however, this focus of the two topics' connection is not quite established in the introduction of your paper. The introduction is generally a single paragraph that provides background information on the overall focus of the paper. Consider reviewing your current introduction section and ensuring that you have a clear, established focus for the intro.
2. The thesis statement is the last sentence of your introduction. It should state your proposed solution to the societal issue. Consider following this template to develop your thesis:
(Your issue) should/should not ____. Instead, we should (insert your solutions to the problem). These solutions create (insert the positive and negative ethical implications).
3. You may consider providing more level headings to help organize your ideas better. With the amount of information you have, it may help to organize them under appropriate level headings with appropriate topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's topic.
4. You should proofread your paper carefully. For a complete look at your grammar and punctuation, please use the Grammarly software available under "Writing Center" in your classroom. For instructions on setting up and using Grammarly, check out our Grammarly Guide: https://tinyurl.com/hyey5mr
Attachment:- Wealth Inequalities and Democracy.rar