Please review the following memo and note at least four instances where it could be improved. Provide reasons for the examples you give. Additionally, remember to comment on at least on other person's thread.
DATE: June 5, 201x
TO: K. C. Wallerstein, Vice President, Operations
FROM: Nicole Young, Manager, Accounting
SUBJECT: WIRING PROBLEM
We've got a real problem in the Accounting Department, and I'd like to tell you about it.
At this point in time the Accounting Department is suffering from horribly out of date wiring . We have 27 pieces of equipment in addition to 25 telephone lines. The resulting mess of cabling looks like spaghetti. And our overhead lighting has fluorescent fixtures in an suspended egg-crate structure. This means excessive wiring above the ceiling. We've had technicians who have come to our office and said it was the worse system they ever seen.
A new kind of cabling is available. It's flat and flexible-only .043 inches thick. Amazingly, it can be installed under carpets. This means we would not have to go through expensive renovation. It would mean less power poles. Plus, flat cables can be moved giving more flexibility for our computers, printers, fax machines, etc. Another great thing is that if you have it installed in the Accounting Department, we could try it out before other departments and work out the kinks.
You're probably wondering about costs. Undercarpet wiring is estimated at about $75,000. If we renovated the entire department and installed round wiring, it would cost more than $200,000. And think about how employees would feel. We definitely need to correct the wiring problem in Accounting. Do you agree?