Assignment Task:
Reply to Gina
Family of Origin and Martial Functioning
The family origin of a couple profoundly shapes how each partner handles conflict and expresses love in the relationship. Nichols (2021) explains that Bowen's Family Systems Theory emphasizes how relational patterns are transmitted across generations, shaping individuals' emotional regulation, attachment styles, and communication within relationships. Counselors can help couples see how these patterns affect their relationship and use that understanding to work on habits that support, rather than hurt, their marriage growth. In addition, when couples come from different family backgrounds, like in my marriage - where my husband was raised in a Christian home and attended a private Christian school while I was not, these differences can bring both challenges and opportunities for growth within the marriage. Need Assignment Help?
Contrasting Family Backgrounds
My husband's family emphasized faith, prayer, and provided a stable, loving environment while he was growing up. His parents were a great example of modeling forgiveness, and they encouraged the family to rely on God during challenging times. On the other hand, I grew up in a more secular and unstable environment where faith was not a central part of our family's life. These experiences growing up shape how we view emotional connection and problem solving. Mahoney et al. (2021) explain that faith-based families often encourage healthy coping and forgiveness through their spiritual beliefs, whereas non-faith-based families tend to depend more on self-reliance. Entering marriage with these different perspectives required growing in self-awareness and allowing God to work on our hearts, learning how to communicate in healthy ways, taking personal accountability, and finding balance between emotional independence and mutual dependence on Him.
Family of origin issues can create challenges in relationships when unresolved childhood wounds or unhealthy patterns resurface in adulthood. Mikulincer and Shaver (2016) explain that attachment theory suggests early interactions with caregivers shape one's understanding of trust, love, and safety, which later influence how individuals relate within marriage. For example, if one partner learned to withdraw from conflict, and the other expects to resolve the issue during conflict, miscommunication can occur. This is why premarital counseling is so valuable, it helps couples recognize these patterns and equips them with healthier tools for building strong relationships.
A couple's communication style is another inherited trait that can impact martial satisfaction. Families that avoid talking about emotions often raise adults who struggle to express their feelings, while families that model openness tend to produce individuals who are more comfortable sharing their emotions. Sanders (2020) explains that families who practice open communication and emotional validation tend to foster long-term satisfaction in relationships. Without counselors helping couples recognize these behaviors, they may continue repeating their parents' destructive patterns, relying on silence, criticism, or avoidance rather than practicing empathy and forgiveness.
Couples that marry and do not have the same spiritual beliefs can also cause problems in martial unity. The Bible warns us of this in 2 Corinthians 6:14, "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers" (NKJV, 1982). I became a Christian before meeting my husband, but his background in Christian education gave him a deeper understanding of Scripture. Although this difference initially created some tension, we were still equally yoked when we married. Over time, our shared commitment to growing in faith brought us closer as we developed spiritual habits together such as praying daily, attending church, and studying God's Word, which now serve as the foundation of our marriage.
Healthy family dynamics are less about religious labels or how affectionate a family is and more about how people relate to each other. Families that prepare individuals for strong marriages usually show emotional balance, they stay close while allowing each person to be themselves (Nichols, 2021). They also have clear boundaries that respect independence but still offer support. These families manage conflict with empathy, forgiveness, and problem-solving instead of anger or avoidance. They consistently provide love, encouragement, and emotional support, helping children feel safe and valued. When families model forgiveness, humility, and kindness, children learn these same behaviors. Ephesians 4:2-3 reminds believers to "be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love, endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace" (NKJV, 1982). Families that live out these values raise children who grow into adults capable of building emotionally and spiritually strong marriages.
For couples who come from different family backgrounds, premarital counseling offers a safe place to talk about how their upbringings shape their views on love, communication, and expectations. Counselors often help couples look at family patterns and past experiences that may still affect them today (Mikulincer& Shaver, 2016). Simple questions like "How did your parents manage conflict?" or "How was love shown in your home?" can help partners better understand each other and grow in empathy. Mahoney et al. (2021) found that couples who share spiritual practices such as praying together or reading the Bible build stronger emotional bonds and are better at resolving conflict.
From a biblical perspective, marriage is a covenant relationship built on love and unity. Colossians 3:14 teaches, "Above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection" (NKJV, 1982). This kind of love goes beyond emotions, it is a daily choice to show grace, forgiveness, and humility. When couples recognize unhealthy family patterns, they can choose to break them and instead follow Christ's example by practicing patience, kindness, and mutual respect, as described in Ephesians 5.
References:
Mahoney, A., Pargament, K. I., &DeMaris, A. (2021). Spiritual intimacy, prayer, and forgiveness in marriage: An empirical study. Journal of Family Psychology, 35(3), 374-386.
Mikulincer, M., & Shaver, P. R. (2016). Attachment in adulthood: Structure, dynamics, and change (2nd ed.). Guilford Press.
Nichols, M. P. (2021). The essentials of family therapy (8th ed.). Pearson.
The Holy Bible, New King James Version. (1982). Thomas Nelson Publishers.