Assignment task:
At least 400 words
- At least two scholarly citations in APA format.
- Any sources cited must have been published within the last five years.
- Acceptable sources include the Bible, course texts, relevant books, and peer-reviewed articles.
Reply to Tamadj
Discussion One: Marital Commitment, Agape Love, and the Impact of Family of Origin
Marital commitment is one of the strongest predictors of long-term marital success. Commitment is not simply a verbal promise exchanged on a wedding day it is an ongoing posture of the heart, a daily decision to love, serve, and remain faithful even in seasons of disappointment or conflict. Wright (1992) defines commitment as the binding, covenantal glue that sustains marriage when emotions fluctuate and stress arises. Commitment positions marriage not as a consumer relationship based on personal fulfillment, but as a covenant grounded in perseverance, responsibility, and love. Need Assignment Help?
Types of Commitment in Marriage:
Researchers and Christian counselors commonly identify three major types of commitment, each playing a unique role in marital stability:
1. Personal Commitment:
This form of commitment reflects one's desire to remain married because of love, emotional closeness, and satisfaction with the relationship. It is rooted in the genuine enjoyment of one's spouse wanting the relationship, not simply maintaining it (Olson, n.d.). Personal commitment is strengthened by shared values, emotional intimacy, and spiritual unity. Couples with high personal commitment view their marriage as a source of joy and companionship.
2. Moral Commitment:
Moral commitment is grounded in values, convictions, and faith. For Christians, this often includes honoring God by keeping marital vows. Wright (1992) notes that moral commitment reflects the belief that marriage is sacred, ordained by God, and meant to endure. This is where agape love most clearly emerges an unconditional, self-giving love modeled after Christ (Ephesians 5:25). Moral commitment motivates couples to forgive, reconcile, and remain faithful even when emotions waver.
3. Structural Commitment:
This type of commitment involves the practical binds that make leaving difficult: shared finances, children, social ties, community involvement, or simply the cost and disruption of ending a marriage. While structural commitment is not the ideal foundation for marriage, it supports stability during stressful seasons. Olson's PREPARE/ENRICH training emphasizes that strong couples integrate all three types of commitment, but moral commitment rooted in agape is what keeps the relationship spiritually and emotionally strong (Olson, n.d.).
Commitment and Agape Love"
Agape love selfless, sacrificial, and enduring is the biblical foundation of marital commitment. It is the type of love Christ shows the church, a love that is not dependent on feelings but on covenantal choice. Rosenau (2005) writes that agape love creates the emotional safety necessary for sexual, emotional, and spiritual intimacy. When a spouse practices agape, they choose compassion over defensiveness, humility over pride, and forgiveness over resentment.
Agape love transforms marital commitment because it reframes conflict as an opportunity to grow together, not a threat to the relationship. It allows partners to say, "I will stay, I will love, and I will work through this-not because it is easy, but because I have chosen you."
Impact of Family of Origin on Commitment and Conflict
Family of origin plays a substantial often underestimated role in shaping how individuals perceive commitment, respond to conflict, and express emotional vulnerability. Wright (1992) states that couples often "marry their unresolved family issues," and patterns from childhood frequently reappear in adult romantic relationships.
If one partner was raised in a home where conflict was ignored, explosive, or unsafe, they may enter marriage with poor emotional regulation skills. Deal (2012) also notes that individuals from single-parent or high-conflict homes may develop protective patterns such as emotional withdrawal, anger, blame-shifting, or fear of vulnerability.
This connects directly to the case described:
A woman unable to tolerate or accept the man's feelings.
When a man attempts to share how he has been hurt, and his fiancée responds with blame "That's your problem, not mine" this reflects emotional immaturity often rooted in family patterns of:
- defensiveness
- emotional invalidation
- lack of accountability
- fear of vulnerability
- learned self-protection
Rather than demonstrating commitment expressed through empathy and repair, she protects herself by deflecting responsibility. Wright (1992) argues that this behavior signals an insecure emotional foundation and a potential barrier to healthy marriage unless addressed in counseling.
Commitment and Conflict Resolution
Healthy conflict resolution requires three commitments:
1. Commitment to Truth
Partners must be willing to acknowledge hurt without minimizing or blaming. Agape love listens first (James 1:19).
2. Commitment to Humility
Taking responsibility even partially is an expression of moral maturity. Without humility, apologies feel coercive or insincere.
3. Commitment to Repair
Apologizing, validating emotions, and making changes demonstrate that the relationship matters more than being right.
PREPARE/ENRICH tools help couples identify negative communication patterns such as invalidation or escalation (Olson, n.d.). When a fiancée consistently shuts down her partner's emotions, it signals a serious relational concern. Without intervention, this pattern often leads to resentment, emotional distance, and fractured intimacy (Rosenau, 2005).
Conclusion
Commitment in marriage is not merely a promise it is a daily act of agape love that honors God and fosters unity. When couples understand the types of commitment and the influence of their family of origin, they are better equipped to resolve conflict and build a resilient, Christ-centered marriage. In cases where partners invalidate or blame each other, premarital counseling becomes essential in helping them develop emotional maturity, communication skills, and a covenantal mindset that rejects self-protection and embraces sacrificial love.
References:
Deal, R. L. (2012). Dating and the single parent. Baker Publishing Group.
Olson, D. (n.d.). PREPARE/ENRICH certification training. Minneapolis, MN: PREPARE/ENRICH.
Rosenau, D. (2005). A celebration of sex for newlyweds. Thomas Nelson.
Wright, N. H. (1992). The premarital counseling handbook. Moody Publishers.
The Holy Bible, New International Version. (2011). Zondervan.