Question: Rewrite a paper on the given topic
Topic: How human beings form moral judgements has been highly debated
Does the introduction clearly present the writer's thesis? If so, please write the thesis of the essay in the box beside. If not, do you have any suggestions for the author for a thesis? [If you're the author of the paper, you should consider whether the reader has been able to identify your thesis clearly. If the reader mis-stated your thesis, that might suggest the need for revisions in your introduction and the statement of your thesis.]
"The argument of this essay will show that Jean Bethke Elshtain's claim is basically right but needs to be modified with the considerations of the role of intuitions in judgments"
Remembering that a thesis is a claim that it is possible for a reasonable person to agree or disagree with, prove that the author has a claim that it is possible to disagree with by writing an objection that specifically challenges the central claim of their thesis here.
The claim that is made in the paper is, "Besides, regardless of what the society had taught Mr.Murdstone due to changing times and circumstances, beating may not be necessarily be the best form of punishment towards deviant behavior. This disagrees with your thesis in the paper
Is the exposition clear and is the analysis easy to follow? Here, focus on the author's presentation of the ideas of others. From what you can tell, has the author clearly and accurately explained the ideas of others and given evidence, based on the text, for their interpretation? If you think there are errors of interpretation or a lack of evidence, note that here.
I think your paper was pretty easy to follow as far as the claim you were making about intuitions. One thing I was lost on was the things you quoted, at times I did not know if you were quoting, or if they were your personal thoughts about the matter. But they were valid reasons and supported your claim, I think you should just try to quote them to help distinguish your thoughts.
Whether you agree with the argument or not, do you feel that the paper makes a reasonable argument in support of its thesis? Is the paper free of unsupported assertions/opinions and irrelevant digressions? Summarize the central reason or reasons the author gives in support of his or her thesis. [If you are the author of the paper, you should consider whether the reader has been able to correctly identify the main supporting reasons for your thesis. If the reader could not identify them or mis-stated your reasons, that might suggest that you need to provide reasons for your view or that you need to express those reasons more clearly.]
I think you did a good job, in making a reasonable argument about how intuitions help guide us in what we think is right or wrong with justification. She says that our intuition is what we hold in our minds to see what is good or evil to us so in the end our intuitions guide our judgments.
What, if any, modifications would you suggest to strengthen the author's essay in terms of the persuasiveness of the argument?
I think you have good sources that really back up what you say now I think you just need some personal thought or ideas coming from you on the matter. I think this would really win over the audience.
Does the author develop an example using the case of David Copperfield?
There is a example of what the case of David Copperfield. "Mr. Murdstone had developed a particular behavior of always beating up Davie"
Does the author develop the example using the case of David Copperfield in a way that is consistent with and provides support for their own view? If not, explain why you think the example does not support their argument.
Just need more details added from the story and also your view.
Maybe include how different the mother acts now that Mr.Murdstone is there. He is the head, and she must listen to him.
Does the author take time to explain how the example based on the case of David Copperfield gives support to their own argument? Is the explanation clear?
I think you need to add more of what Mr.Murdstone did to Davey like explain because someone who is not us in the class is supposed to be the audience, and they may not understand what you are talking about. You do touch on the beating though just further explain.
Has the author considered objections to his or her own view?
I don't see your view of your objection in this. This is one thing you may want to consider to add.
Do you think these are the strongest and most relevant objections? If not, suggest a possible objection that they might want to consider.
I think your objection you used of consequentialism was pretty strong, because you gave what it meant how it ignored intuition.
Is the essay clearly written and well organized? If not, do you have any suggestions that might make the organization clearer? Are there specific grammatical issues that you want to highlight for the author? What, if any, advice might you offer for improving the quality of the writing and organization of the essay? [This question might best be answered on the hard-copy, noting grammatical mistakes, etc.]
Like I stated earlier, the citing of sources is maybe one thing I would suggest. Also on some paragraphs there indents and some there are not.
Is the paper properly formatted with a bibliography and a consistent citation system (APA, MLA or Chicago)? Is there a proper header and title on the first page? Have page numbers been included?
The format is needs some work. Missing a header, and name. Also no page numbers.
Describe one thing that the author did particularly well in this paper.
Had some strong evidence backing up her claim with her sources she used.
Additional Feedback?
Just be sure to add personal thoughts/feelings. I liked where you're going with this.