Questions for Peer Review
. Avoid one word, yes or no answers. Elaborate on your answers.
1. Introduction: Does it capture the reader's attention and effectively lead up to the statement of the main idea? Does the main idea clearly take a stance on a particular issue?
2. Body: Does each paragraph begin with a transition, such as "First" or "Furthermore" or "Next" and etc? Are there clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph that sum up the main idea of the paragraph? Does the paragraph remain focused to this main idea? Look for any irrelevant information that should be cut.
3. Does the writer use sufficient evidence such as personal experience and observations to prove the major points? Find the areas that need more specific, detailed evidence to support the writer's points.
4. Is the essay convincing? Does it rely on a sound argument? Look for any logical fallacies that should be avoided.
5. What is the essay's biggest weakness overall?
6. What is the essay's greatest strength overall?
ESSAY:
Veganism
"I'm here for a good time not a long time" is all I keep hearing as I try to inform people on the health risks involved with animal-based diets. People in society today are so completely consumed with their tasks, responsibilities, and luxuries; they do not realize that our biggest responsibilities are taking care of animals, the environment, and ourselves. The only things that we remotely have control of and majority of the people are ignorant in the subjects. My response to these people are "you're not here for a good or long time with that mentality." A plant-based diet is crucially beneficial to our animals, our environment, and our own health."
To begin with the most common reason people are recruited to veganism, the animal's sake. These poor defenseless animals are getting bred, injected, infested, and even slaughtered for our humans to deprive them from their given rights and use them for their own pleasures. Growing up, I can remember the amazement of seeing animals such as: transported cattle, horses at a parade, animals at the zoo, or even someone's livestock; as I grew and began to realize what was happening to these animal, the amazement turned into sympathy and later into disgust. I once read in a reliable article during my journey to veganism that chicks go through a process of debeaking when they are destined for the egg industry; this cruel act is simply searing their beak off with a hot blade to prevent the bird from reacting to the torture these industries provide by pecking each other. If that is not the most selfish act that I have ever read. They go on later to say that many of the chicks, die due to the pain, and others die from starvation because it is too painful to eat; "many defecate from distress from the procedure and cry out in fear and pain." To clarify, these chicks are being tortured literally without any prevention of pain, or care in the world. A study about chicks' pain tolerance concluded that beak amputation lead to significant changes in behavior and is evidence for chronic pain in birds. A study done at Stanford University concluded that many of the activities that are thought to only occur in humans occur in non- humans as well. So, what I gathered from this is that we are treating these animals as if they cannot feel, think, or understand when there is scientific evidence that proves that to be false. The study also saw a long-lasting kinship ties with many of the animals tested which shows that there is something more going on with these animals than anyone will care enough to know. Having pets my entire life, I formed attachments and so did they whether it was a ferret, dog, squirrel, or even baby hog. They all could not stand to be out of my sight and missed me terribly when I was gone. I was their "mother" in a way. I have also seen dogs mourn for their loved ones that died. This proves attachment and emotion and in all of those aspects; it is considered immoral to commit these acts with any living thing. Many people are unbothered by this monstrous act simply because of the way society programmed us to be, but what needs to be understood is that this whole process that all of our animals are going through to lose their freedom to the hunger of a human is in no way healthy, sanitary, or moral. Diseases, infections, death; it all intertwines to create these disgusting industries that are feeding our population. The chicks are only one of many atrocious crimes, all of our animals are being effected but this cruelty and that is only the simple side behind it.
An even more significant factor to cutting animal-based products out of our daily diet is the environment. The most important thing to our world, as a whole, is being abused and overused due to this manifest corporation that is in no way beneficial but for our convenience. The different types of products we eat such as milk, eggs, meat, and dairy; they take a huge portion of our earth and are destroying it. The increase in the storms throughout the years in Louisiana that we have been experiencing is not a coincidence. Global warming is getting worse and worse because of these industries. The animals that are used for food take up about 87 percent of agricultural land. That is almost half of the land used to just run these industries when it could be used for something more beneficial like crops and humans. I once read in an article promoting veganism that they concluded that the worlds cattle consume a quantity of food that is equal to the chronic needs of 8.7 billion people. All this food that the animals are eating could be feeding the hungry people in the world. Instead, our society is more concerned with the money rather than our own species and environment. Fossil fuels which are partially responsible for global warming, it traps heat in the atmosphere which cannot be good for the environment. One hamburger uses enough fossil fuel to drive a small car twenty miles. We cannot even fathom the amount of hamburgers that are produced each day, think about the long term effects just hamburgers have on our environment. It is not hard to tell that there is a problem going on in this subject. The smell in the air is the most noticeable that our environment is being heavily effected and destroyed. Trees are cut down and taken to supply a place for these cattle. When it all comes down to it, were sacrificing our earth and our lives just to eat what we consider "good." We are overbreeding these animals to the maximum and our earth is the one suffering. With all of the animals, it means more mouths to feed, more space to be taken, more waste on our land, and lastly, more global warming.
Before I cut animal products out of my diet, I had issues with my stomach which I concluded to be my digestive system. As I was learning about veganism, I read that animal products are harder to digest and take longer. I shortly found this out to be true just in the first week of the transition. I stopped having stomach pains, and began to feel better throughout the day. This brings me to the health and most important concept of my argument. Animal based products are not in any way healthy for us. It is correlated with cancer, heart disease, diabetes, digestion problems, and even strokes. How could it be healthy for us when the manufacturers are not concerned about it? Animals are injected with antibiotics and hormones. Whatever goes into their bodies goes into ours as we eat them. These injections are used to treat the infections and diseases in the animals that live in unsanitary conditions which says it all for itself. Unsanitary conditions with dead animals, bugs and waste is what we as a population are consuming. There has been a few studies that have shown that people eating a well-balanced plant-based diet have a greater lifespan than those who eat animal products; it is easy to figure out why. These products are not only killing us, but making life less enjoyable. The ones who know this are the ones who've made the intelligent decision to cut the source.
To conclude, Animal-based products are only programmed in our brains to be a necessity when in reality, they are actually the opposite. People need to reconsider their everyday choices and decide if the taste of animal products is really worth all of these long-term effects like animal cruelty, over population, global warming, and our own health. Our animals, environment, and lives are what is at stake for our appetite. It is not the meat that is hurting us the most, it is ourselves; we decide everything for ourselves and a plant-based diet is crucial to a legitimate healthy lifestyle.