In 125 to 200 words each, discuss and critique the concluding paragraphs of at least two of your classmates. Please identify, analyze, and discuss the following:
Rephrased thesis statement
Main points of the argument (e.g., are the main points summarized?)
Closing argument (e.g., was the thesis proven?)
Questions and concerns regarding the development of the closing argument
Substantiate your ideas and suggestions with specific examples from your classmates' concluding paragraphs and the assigned reading materials.
Please review the Week Three Discussion 2 Peer Response Template before writing your response.
STATEMENT#1
My conclusion's closing argument is.....
People have different work environments and goals. The true choice of telecommuting is made by the employee. Which traits to the work environment are more important to the employee? Telecommuting adverse side can leave you susceptible to loneliness. It may drive a person to become a workaholic. Teleworking can also have a negatively affect an employee's networking ability. The end game to most of our jobs is to become financially stable. Telecommuting provides a strong start to financial gain. The figures in the paper detail it. You need a healthy mind and body to spend money. Telecommuting delivers a stress-free environment from home. It also offers an environment less contaminated with germs and viruses spread in the community. The best option I see is the opportunity to be around family more often. If my 20 years in the military taught me anything is that family will be there after retirement and then some. We need to make sure they are taken care of. There are negative traits to telecommuting. The positive traits outweigh the negative thru heath, finances and family attributes. When it comes time to leave the United States Air Force telecommuting will most defiantly be one of the options I inquiry about.
STATEMENT #2
Writing Your Conclusion Workshop
Overall, in my opinion, the advantages of uniforms are far ahead of the disadvantages of uniforms. Therefore, I believe every school should use clothes. Though school uniforms may take away from an individual's creativity when dressing, they will help rule out bullying because of one's clothing style. School uniforms are cheaper, than regular clothes and they can provide unity among students and teachers. Also, clothes can stop the battle of what to wear in the morning which will also get children to school on time. Besides, School uniforms can help distinguish guests or intruders quickly when they enter the school. School uniforms can allow students to remain focus on their study instead of whatever fashion their classmates are going to wear. Or worrying about getting bullied for not having to wear the types of clothing as the others. By completing school uniforms, we can reemphasize the honest we as parents instill in our children as they grow. Wouldn't you want your child to learn in a safer environment free of judgment?
Original Thesis: When public school students start wearing school uniforms
My conclusion's closing argument supports the positive findings of my paper asking the reader if they would want their children to be in a safer judgment free zone while attending school. I think if people see the benefits of school uniforms that they would be more likely to want to implement them in their areas.
Questions: Do you think my conclusion could be stronger? Any tips or suggestions? Please