Compare and contrast the essay and fix the comments.. how to fix the comments.
Moy Wong
First Draft
Can you think of a way to hook the reader? Engage the reader right off instead of jumping straight into the main topic?
Don't announce the intentions of the paper; just write it - the intentions will be clear to the reader. It is unecessary to address the reader with a signpost in an essay. Watch the powerpoint in the course, "Things to Avoid in Essay Writing". This is one of them.
American Education for Boys and Girls
This essay will compare and contrast two articles from "Reading Critically, Writing Well," Peggy Orenstein's "The Daily Grind: Lessons in the Hidden Curriculum" (p. 96 - 100), and Karen Stabiner's "Boys Here, Girls There: Sure, if Equality's the Goal" (p. 325 - 330).
Make sure the introduction leads the reader to your thesis by engaging the reader right away, providing enough general background information for the thesis, and then introducing both authors and articles in the text, citing correctly in-text, with a brief compare contrast of the articles and their main ideas in your thesis. Don't assume the evaluation team will have any knowledge of the articles; they won't.
Reading Orenstein's article is like reading a passage from a fictional chapter book. On the other hand, Stabiner's writing is very matter of fact and does not try to paint a picture where students are quoted and talking. Orenstein writes a little snippet of her observation for that hour she was in the math class. Orenstein's style is more of a story telling and trying to paint a picture of a scene. Whereas, Stabiner is less specific. She sounds like journalist reporting information. Stabiner's writing style is more scientific in that she uses facts and numbers drawn from other sources. Missing in-text citations
First, But this isn't first. Your previous paragraph was first. I'll describe how the two articles are similar. Both Orenstein and Stabiner talked about schools in America. The gender inequality between boy and girls. Both Orenstein and Stabiner talked about the subjects of math and science. Peggy Orenstein , the writer, friended Amy, one of the students in the classroom Peggy was observing. Peggy does not give her view on education specifically in her article. Peggy does, however, talk down about how Amy does not seem to have her own personality, and that Amy changes personality like she changes her jeans. However, this is extremely critical and judging on Peggy's part, since she is reported to have only observed Amy that day for what could have been two or three hours at the most. This is the style of Peggy's writing.
Right away, Peggy notices how Amy sits in a "typical feminine pose" (par. 9). Again, judging how girls act "typical." Peggy notices how the boys are, "more physically mature and sprawling in their chairs" (par. 9), painting the picture that boys do not care about how they look. As Stabiner indicated in her article, "But brain research has shown us that girls and boys develop and process information in different ways; they do not even use the same region of the brain to do their math homework". (par. 11).cite correctly
avoid ending a paragraph with a quote; explain it, discuss it. Then use the last sentence of the paragraph as a transition to the next paragraph
Now, I'll describe how the two articles are different . In Orenstein's article, the reader is left to infer their own opinions regarding the coed schools. Orenstein does seem to paint the picture that the boys in the classroom are bullies, that the girls in the classroom play the traditional role of being ‘lady like' and submission. Orenstein also paints the teacher as a bit incompetent or unable to control her own classroom. Peggy notices how the boys in the classroom are yelling out answers and the teacher does not really do much to stop them, even though the teacher knows the boys are intimidating the other students. The boys even bully the smart girl in the classroom. The teacher starts a new lesson. The teacher asks a female student for an answer and a boy blurts out the answer, interrupting the girl. The teacher does not reprimand the boy, but accepts his answer. Stabiner's article just specifies the facts. The reader can agree, disagree, or decide to pursue looking up the facts on their own. Education in America is a controversial subject. As Stabiner states, "Educators at single-sex schools already get it: Equality is the goal, not the process. There may be more than one path to the destination - but it is the arrival, not the itinerary that counts" (par 12).
The audience for Orenstein's article is someone who likes a store told in a colorful and playful way. The audience for Stabiner would be someone who wants more facts, perhaps someone who is looking to make a decision about placing their child in a same sex school. Stabiner states in her article, "If the intention is to strengthen the public school system by responding to new information about how our children learn, then these classes can serve as a model of innovative teaching techniques, some of which can be transported back into existing coed classrooms" (par. 20). In Orenstein's article, it is difficult for the reader to get any sense of a stance about school one way or another.
Overall, Orenstein's article influences the reader by being subtle. I like Stabiner's article because it is very blatant, almost telling persuasively the reader to think that same sex schools should be in every district because of all the benefits she listed, girls being more "confident," more able to pursue "advanced fields in math and science," high graduation rate, higher rates of pursuing college after high school, and low pregnancy rates. Orenstein's article does not list any of these types of factors.
Once you rewrite the thesis, make sure each paragraph supports the thesis with appropriate topic sentences and cite all supporting evidence -quoting/paraphrasing/summary correctly in-text
ALL references to the authors, either with paraphrasing, summarizing or quoting, MUST be cited in-text appropriately. The key is to cite after a section of paraphrasing/summarizing when the voice switches back to your own; the reader needs to be able to determine the voice.
Review this page for in-text citations: https://bcs.bedfordstmartins.com/smhandbook6e/Player/MainFrame.aspx?task=handbook&taskid=7.11
Works Cited
Axelrod, Rise, Charles Cooper, and Alison Warriner. Reading Critically, Writing Well. Boston: Bedford/St. Martin's 2014. Print. Why is the entire book cited? Just cite articles correctly FROM the book.
And if you're citing the book, why are the articles from elsewhere? Confusing.
Orenstein, Peggy. Schoolgirls: Young Women, Self-esteem, and the Confidence Gap. New York: Doubleday, 1994. Print.
Stabiner, Karen. "Boys Here, Girls There: Sure, If Equality's the Goal." Washington Post. The Washington Post, 12 May 2002. Web. 24 July 2016.
Attachment:- Moy Wong Compare Contrast Essay First Draft.rar