What is your comment on this thesis statement and the in introduction below?
Thesis Statement
"Companies must work together cohesively to develop an improved system of data exchange through intercommunication, as insufficient tracking information has a negligence affect on accurate delivery time, consumer utility, and logistical congestion."
Introduction
In a society, there are many components that make up a strong structured community. The foundation of a structured community evolves around the function of a complexed system referred to as an economy. In a free pace economy, demand and supply are the core elements that drives the success of an economic system. For supply to be generated, demand must be created, and these demands fuel the transportation industry through rail loading, trucking, and aviation. Transporting goods such as materials and/or equipment initiates the crucial need to track or trace cargo shipments to include parcel deliveries. However, many cases of lost shipments have transpired in the past, demonstrating a lack of tenacity on many suppliers' ability to properly track freight. Companies must work together cohesively to develop an improved system of data exchange through intercommunication, as insufficient tracking information has a negligence affect on accurate delivery time, consumer utility, and minimizing logistical congestion.