Scenario : Shuz Inc.
Frida Cooper works as the head buyer for Shuz Inc., a retailer of high-end footwear. She wrote the first draft of a memo to her company's Marketing Manager, Kevin Arnold, in the following style:
To: Kevin Arnold, Marketing Manager, Shuz Inc.
From: Frida Cooper, Head Buyer, Shuz Inc.
Date: November 1, 2009
Re: Spring/Summer 2010 Line
In preparation for the development of the marketing campaign for the Spring/Summer 2010 line, I would like to provide you with an overview of the orders we have placed for delivery in February 2010 to coincide with "Spring Break" purchases, which have traditionally provided a significant portion of our annual sales, second only to our "Back to School" events in the fall, although these events may not be as successful this year.
There is a wide variety of styles to choose from-sandals, mules, flip-flops, stilettos, platforms, and boots-and this will be an exciting season for us, especially considering the disappointment of last year, something for everyone. The colour palette includes neutrals (black, brown, white, tan, and champagne), pastels (blue, green, pink, lavender, and yellow), and brights (fuchsia, teal, tangerine, and citrus). Sure to please! Not to mention the amazing embellishments that are sure to spark the interest of our well-healed clients: flowers, butterflies, crystals, and feathers. We have secured orders for over 150 different styles of shoes and the majority of the orders are with existing suppliers; however, we are working with a new supplier for the bridal shoe line. Wedding Bells has filed for bankruptcy, which has forced us to look at other options. The range of styles and the quality offered by Fine Feet have been impressive to my associate, Dixie. Therefore, an order for 200 shoes in 10 different styles has been placed as a test case. If these shoes are well received by our clientele, the option of placing a larger order with a quick turnaround exists for us.
There has been a problem with the placement of one of the orders, however, so we can't guarantee the arrival of the order from the factory in Perth in time for Spring Break as it was misfiled. As soon as this was discovered, we contacted the factory quickly to remedy this oversight in the morning. Perth staff will work overtime in an effort to meet our deadline. But they cannot guarantee delivery. Doug Smith, the manager in Perth, has been very cooperative.
A meeting has been scheduled for us on Tuesday, November 8, to review the Spring/Summer line by us. Prior to this, it will be arranged to have samples delivered to your team for review. Please let me know if this will be convenient for you.
My team is excited about this line. We know that if we work together, it can be our most successful campaign yet.
Questions/Tasks
Refer to pages 121 to 129 in your textbook to complete the following tasks.
1. Clearly, Frida's draft memo needs to be improved. Find two examples of long sentences that should be divided into shorter ones. Copy these sentences and then rewrite them, explaining how you can make each one clearer by shortening it. Clearly label your work under the headings of Original Sentence, Revised Sentence, and Explanation. Edit wordy expressions that are unnecessary or information that is off-topic.
2. Copy one sentence from Scenario 6 that is written in the passive voice. Rewrite this sentence using the active voice. Clearly label the old and new sentences as Passive and Active.
3. Copy one sentence from Scenario that contains a misplaced modifier. Rewrite this sentence to clarify its meaning. Clearly label your sentences as Misplaced Modifier and Clearer Modifier.
4. Identify two problems in the following sentence from Scenario 6: "Not to mention the amazing embellishments that are sure to spark the interest of our well-healed clients: flowers, butterflies, crystals, and feathers."