Analyze the following demanding e-mail message to be sent by the vice president to all employees.
Describe the tone and writing faults in this message. Revise the message so that it reflects some of the writing techniques you learned in Chapter 4.
How can you make this message more courteous, positive, and precise?
Hi, team,
This is a reminder e-mail about the usage and the policies regarding personal use of internet other than business related work, as effective immediately new policies will implemented.
Our guys in IT tells that the bandwidth on which we work is seriously getting comprised with daily use of personal database which is making our pace of work slower.
It had been came to notice that usage of websites like Facebook, blogging, shopping , chatting , gaming and downloading has been on the rise.
There was a right given to all about using their personal emails, but apart from that using other means of blogging is not appropriate during work hours.
As, you all know, we did distributed the newly implemented e-mail policy a little while ago, now we have to amend it and make sure that the usage of personal blogging is cut down or there will be severe consequences of virus intrusions, slow down loads and many more.
Please, do take this message seriously otherwise it may go down prohibiting your use of personal e-mails, and as a company we don't want that.
You will be expected to study the attached E-mail and Internet policy and return the signed form with your agreement to adhere to this policy. You must return this form by February 2nd. No exceptions please.
Thank you.
VICE-PRESIDENT.