GUIDE TO UNDERSTANDING YOUR SEXUAL SELF
Writing your Sexual Self Analysis is an unusual assignment that students in Human Sexuality courses have consistently rated the most helpful and important exercise they have ever done. This exercise gives you the opportunity to look at your growth as a sexual person from your childhood to the present.
For most students, this is the first time that they have written about their lives from this standpoint. Although it is often difficult to begin, it is usually more difficult to stop once you have started writing! The important point about this paper is for you to be as honest as you can with yourself about your life, both past and present. Being honest with yourself is crucial to making the time you put into this exercise worthwhile.
Remember, you are the one who will benefit from writing your self-analysis. Feel free to write whatever you think has affected the way you have developed as a sexual person. This assignment is CONFIDENTIAL, read only by the professor.
TO BEGIN,
Think about specific things that you want to examine about yourself. You can choose from the list of questions below, or decide on your own questions. Be sure to include these questions, in bulleted form, in the beginning of your paper, and begin by talking about why you selected these questions. It is ok if you go on to examine other questions, too, as you may find that thinking about one question triggers thoughts about another.
Be sure to DESCRIBE important events (what, when etc. NO NAMES!)and then ANALYZE these events --try to figure out why these experiences happened, what their meaning was for you then and is for you now, your emotional responses (why, and how you feel). Your FEELINGS are very personal; here is a place where you can explore those feelings without being judged by anyone. Your feelings are neither good nor bad in and of themselves. They are your feelings and that makes them valid and worth exploring.
The following questions may be helpful in getting you thinking about what topics you want to examine in your Sexual Self-Analysis. You can pick and choose which questions you want to deal with, and which questions will give you better in sight into yourself. Add your own questions if you like. You may also use the "Life Skills of a Sexually Healthy Adult" handout to help you examine various aspects of your own sexuality. Remember to list the questions you want to begin exploring in the beginning of your analysis, and to begin by discussing why you selected these questions.
-Who and what were the most important childhood influences for your sexual development (include parents, brothers and sisters, peers, relatives, religion, etc.)?
- What were the most important sexual/relationship events that happened to you between ages 5 and 12, between 13 and 18, since you started college?
- How did/do your parent(s) relate to you and/or their sexual partner? What kind of image did they give of love, of sex?
-Was their marriage/relationship based on utility, practicality, routine, conflict, or real love?
-Was their relationship an equal partnership, or did one dominate the relationship?
- How did they settle quarrels? How does this affect the way you settle differences in your relationships?
- How did your parents settle their differences with you? How did your parents handle it when you rebelled?
- If your parents are divorced, how did this experience affect you?
- If you have a stepparent, how would you describe the new relationship?
- How did your parents treat you emotionally and physically?
- How was affection expressed in your family? How does this affect you now?
- What kind of relationship did/do you have with your brothers and sisters? As a child? As a teenager? Today?
- Has it made a difference because you were a girl, or boy, the oldest, middle or youngest? Has this brought any special rewards or strains?
- How did you learn about sex, about sexuality? From whom? How old were you? How accurate was the information? How did you feel about it at the time? Today?
- What were your early childhood experiences with sexuality (playing "doctor" or other games, rap sessions with peers, and experimentation)?
- What were your experiences, as an adolescent, with masturbation, with first menstruation, or first wet dreams? What kind of message, verbal and non-verbal, did you get from your family about these experiences?
- How was nudity treated in your family?
- What kind of sexual experiences did you have in high school, in college (masturbation, nudity, dating, sexual intimacy)? How have they affected you in the long term?
- How have your sexual relationships with others affected you?
- What have you learned from intimacy with others that has helped you understand your own sexuality better?
- Describe the sexual/relationship points of your life, from childhood memories to the present. How have these experiences contributed to your present frame of reference?
- Was there any sexually traumatic experience you've kept hidden and not discussed with anyone? Can you write about this now, knowing no one will see what you write unless you decide to share it with him or her? if you start writing about a traumatic experience, you may find it brings considerable relief just to see the words on paper.You may decide, after breaking the ice, that you want to work this event through so you can put it behind you.
- Do you consider yourself a sexual rebel, conformist, optimist, skeptic, liberal, conservative, or anything else?
- Do you think you understand your sexual self as well as you would like? Explain.
- Do you know sexual/relationship goals in life? Explain.
- Do you know sexual/relationship values? Strengths and shortcomings? Fears? Needs? Likes and dislikes? Explain.