Read the essay below and fix it with the following feedback. All second drafts should includeyellow highlighting for all revisions made in the draft, along with a 1-paragraph summary explaining what issues the instructor pointed out, as well as how you attempted to address those concerns in your revision.
-The language of this draft is hard to follow, change it and make it more readable.
-On the purpose statement, focus on the purpose and audience and not give too much details as shown on the essay.
-Look for any word, grammar, punctuation and spelling errors to fix.
ABSTRACT: add a statistic, quote, or example to make it more vivid
PURPOSE: mention several audiences you are trying to reach - the general public and the main audience of your topic, but also maybe educators, scientists, the media, government officials, parents?
RESEARCH METHODS: be sure to mention a primary source you could use (whom could you interview? will you create a questionnaire?)
ANNOTATIONS: summary alone is not enough for a good grade here. analyze the source. is it credible (you could Google the authors)? is it recent? who is the target audience? does it use plain language or jargon? talk about whether it has effective appeals to ethos/pathos/logos. how useful will the source be to you and why?