Assignment Task:
- At least 400 words
- At least two scholarly citations in APA format.
- Any sources cited must have been published within the last five years.
- Acceptable sources include the Bible, course texts, relevant books, and peer-reviewed articles.
Reply to Jalincia
Discussion Problem:
When an engaged couple enters premarital counseling with the revelation that one partner has struggled with a long-standing pornography addiction, it can feel both heartbreaking and confusing. This is especially true when the couple has discussed the issue extensively and yet the man continues to wrestle with sobriety. As a Christian marriage ministry leader, I approach this situation not with condemnation but with conviction that healing, redemption, and restoration are possible through the gospel of Jesus Christ. At the same time, I hold space for the woman's valid fears and potential heartbreak. This is not just a spiritual struggle. It is also emotional, psychological, and relational, and it deserves truth and grace in equal measure.
Because modern technology has greatly increased access and privacy around pornography use, what begins as a covert behavior can escalate into a deep relational wound, one that requires proactive, covenantal engagement if healing is to begin (Seyed Aghamiri & Luetz, 2023).
Pornography is not simply a private issue. While culture often tries to minimize its impact, the Word speaks clearly about the dangers of sexual sin. Jesus said in Matthew 5:28 (NIV), "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." From a biblical standpoint, pornography use is not a minor flaw. It is a distortion of God's design for intimacy, and it wounds not only the person involved but also their relationships.
For the woman in this engagement, her concerns are legitimate. She may be wondering, "Will this continue in our marriage?" or "Will I ever feel desired or safe knowing my future husband's eyes and heart have been divided?" She may even carry unspoken shame, questioning if she'll be enough for him sexually or emotionally. These are deep, painful, and real concerns that must be honored and not dismissed. In my experience as a marriage ministry leader and not a counselor, unfortunately I have seen this scenario play out often, and the spouse has felt dismissed and invalidated.
My first goal in counseling this couple would be to create a space that is safe but not soft on sin. Dealing with the weight of sin is important and also understanding where the moment of weakness opened up. I would affirm that God's grace covers all sin including pornography addiction, but that grace is never an excuse for complacency. I would speak directly to the man with love but also with honesty. I might say, "You've acknowledged this issue, and that's a good start. But acknowledgment is not the same as repentance or transformation. Where are you in this process? What's your plan of action, accountability, and healing?"
Participants from a recent study described recovery as "more than just abstinence"; true transformation involved creating a new lifestyle, ongoing self work, and addressing underlying emotional and relational issues. They noted that simply stopping compulsive behavior did not automatically restore life or relationships; lasting change required tackling deeper wounds and cultivating relational, emotional, and spiritual well being (Fernandez et al., 2021).
From there, I would then help both partners explore the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation, and between repentance and recovery. Forgiveness can be extended by the fiancée as an act of obedience and love, but reconciliation and readiness for marriage must be based on evidence of change. Not perfection, but progress for sure. Most importantly, if they both decide to move forward towards marriage, then the fiancée would need to not hold the other fiancée under fire for what transpired.
As I have stated in previous posts, marriage is a sacred covenant, and part of that covenant is sexual exclusivity not just in action, but in thought and intention. If the man is still struggling without clear, consistent accountability, and if his addiction continues to surface with no long-term sobriety plan in place, I would gently but firmly encourage the couple to pause their engagement, seek deep counseling, and true intercession.
Proverbs 4:23 reminds us, "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." Entering marriage while active addiction is still present sets the couple up for mistrust, emotional distance, and deep wounds. Postponing a wedding to prioritize healing and transformation is not failure. It is wisdom and stewardship of their future.
I would then help the man develop a robust, multi-level plan for recovery. This would include:
- A licensed Christian counselor or therapist who specializes in sexual addiction
- Accountability software installed on all devices
- An accountability group, preferably men in the church, where he is fully known and challenged
- Daily spiritual disciplines such as scripture reading, confession, prayer, and fasting to retrain his desires toward Christ
For the fiancée, I would provide emotional and spiritual support. She should not carry the weight of his healing or feel responsible for his sobriety. I might recommend a support group such as Beggar's Daughter or S-Anon for women affected by pornography addiction in loved ones. I would reassure her that choosing to step back or reevaluate the timing of the marriage is not a sign of weakness or disloyalty. It is a sign of maturity and wisdom.
Finally, I would spend time teaching both partners a biblical vision of sex as covenantal, not consumer driven. Pornography trains the mind to expect immediate gratification without emotional investment. Marital intimacy, on the other hand, is built on trust, vulnerability, mutual giving, and spiritual connection.
Healing from addiction means rewiring not just behavior, but expectations and beliefs about sex. Ephesians 5:25 calls husbands to love their wives "just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her." That kind of love is sacrificial, patient, and pure. Until the man can embrace that vision and commit to walking in it daily, it may be premature to enter into the covenant of marriage.
As a Christian leader, my hope for every couple is restoration and lifelong covenant love. But love is not built on avoidance or denial. It is built on truth, grace, accountability, and transformation. To this couple, I would say: God can redeem this. He can heal what's been broken and rebuild what's been distorted. But you must be willing to do the hard work now so that your marriage rests on a foundation of honesty, and responsibility, while debunking any secrecy and shame. The waiting may be hard, but the reward of a healed and God-honoring marriage will be worth it. Need Assignment Help?
References:
Bible. (2011). Holy Bible: New International Version. Zondervan.
Fernandez, D. P., Kuss, D. J., & Griffiths, M. D. (2021). Lived experiences of recovery from compulsive sexual behavior among members of sex and love addicts anonymous: A qualitative thematic analysis. Sexual Health & Compulsivity, 28(1-2), 47-80.
Seyed Aghamiri, F., &Luetz, J. M. (2023). The Long-Lived Impacts of Sexual Addiction: Examples of Unwanted Gifts That Keep Giving. Sexual Health & Compulsivity, 30(1), 1-5.