Define process and pick a successfully resolved conflict

Question

Journal Activities

Journal Activity 1

In the table below, the left-hand column contains sets of communication expressions that indicate conflict from a particular metaphorical position.  In the column on the right, follow the italics example in set 1 by filling in the blanks underneath "Metaphor for Conflict."  Be sure to identify:

1) Where the scene of the conflict is.

2) Who the participants are.

3) Who must win the battle and by what method.

4) What is the outcome/purpose of the conflict?

Communication Expressions	Metaphor for Conflict
Set 1: Your actions are completely indefensible. He attacked me where I was most vulnerable - my kids. That criticism is right on target. Okay, shoot! Accusations were hurled back and forth.  I just retreat.  I fall back and regroup.  Then I wait for an opening. He slaughters me when I cry and get confused. When I don't want it to come to blow (laughs), I launch a diversionary attack, like telling him the kids are calling me.	WAR   The scene for conflict is battlefield. The participants in discussion are warriors who must win the battle.  Nothing falls short of "killing" or reducing the effectiveness of the opponent.  The purpose or outcome is inevitably a reduction of players, harm, desire for vengeance and a repetition of the battle.
Set 2: He's about to blow up.  Any little thing will set him off.  Larry's got a short fuse.  The pressure's building up so fast that something's gotta give soon!  I just need to let off steam.  She is really pushing my buttons.	EXPLOSION
Set 3: He's got the best case.  The jury's still out on that one.  You're accusing me of what?  She's the guilty party on this one.	TRIAL
Set 4: I'm on a sinking ship with no lifeboat.  I'm traveling a rocky road.  I'm working with a checkbook that won't balance.	STRUGGLE
Set 5: I felt like being "a rowboat caught in a hurricane.  Tornado, Avalanche I was swept away, Like a fire raging out of control.	ACT OF NATURE

 Journal Activity 2 

Choose ONE of the following:

• Cahn & Abigail 1   Think about it. p. 25, #,3,4,5, (Your essay should be about 1 page in length.)
• Borisoff & Victor, p. 30: Suggested Activities A  
• Borisoff & Victor, p. 30: Suggested Activities B  
• Borisoff & Victor, p. 31: Suggested Activities C 

The one I chose is:

Think About It

1. In what ways do you take a non-process view of communication, relationships, or conflict? How can you change your thinking?
2. Define process and pick a successfully resolved conflict and describe it in terms of the five stages or phases of constructive, successful conflict.
3. Describe your family. With whom in your family do you have the most conflict? What can we conclude after hearing about family conflicts from a number of people?
4. Some argue that humans have an instinct for conflict. Do you think it is an inborn trait? Does it make us more or less human? If it is innate, is it a valuable asset?
5. Is it possible to view interpersonal conflicts positively? Can you give examples of positive outcomes from your own experience?
6. In problematic situations, how do you respond to the important people in your life? Do you deny that a problem exists, change the subject, or avoid the problematic person? What prompted you to take a class in conflict management?
7. Do you believe that if you have the right partner the two of you will live conflict free? Is it possible to find someone who presents no problems? Do you expect others to respect your property and privacy? What do you do when they don't?
8. What are the real-world implications of saying "conflicts need not get out of hand"? Under what conditions would you see escalating conflict as acceptable? Why?
9. Before reading this chapter, how did you feel about confronting others when a conflict arises? Did you feel positive or negative about it? How did that affect the way you handled past conflicts? Do you think you would be more successful if you felt more positively about conflict?

Journal Activity 3

• Cahn & Abigail 2 Discuss it. #2 p. 52. Please write out answer.  No discussion group.

1. Read the following conflict narrative and the instructions that follow it.

"I was trying to teach a class when a student came in to remove some audiovisual equipment. He didn't explain why he was there. I had to ask him. I then asked him if it could wait until the end of the class. He said, 'No.' I said, 'Okay,' rather reluctantly. He left, and then came back about five minutes later. I said nothing. When he came back the third time (all the while making noise and making it difficult for me to continue the class discussion), I finally said, 'You are disturbing my class, and I must ask you to stop coming in. This really bothers me.' He replied, I'm having a bad day.' One of my students said after class that I 'went nuclear' on the student!"

As a way to apply the concepts you learned from Chapter 2 , participate in a class discussion by posting an answer to one of the questions below.

1.  
   1. Which of the five conflict strategies are illustrated in this narrative?
   2. What conflict communication option is preferable in the above narrative, as presented? Which is most likely? Which is the worst, and why?
   3. Change some part of the case study to use a different conflict communication option, and explain the likely outcome of the conflict situation.

Journal Activity 4

• Cahn & Abigail 3   p. 74 Work With It. #1

Work with It

1. Label the following statements by selecting either (a) internal attributions or (b) external attributions. Check your answers against those at the end of the exercises.
   1. "He did this to me because he wants to get even."
   2. "She did this to me because she hates my guts."
   3. "He did poorly because his parents expect the worst from him, so he delivers accordingly."
   4. "He didn't show for the test because he is probably afraid he will fail."
   5. "He made the test too hard, so I flunked it."
   6. "Of course she didn't return the laptop. She is an idiot. What do you expect from an imbecile?"
   7. "They keep tearing up the parking lots and that is why I was late to class."
   8. "I've been in a slump, which is why I am not doing well these days."
   9. "She's immoral and only wants you for your money."
   10. "He treats you badly because you are so tall. He has a rotten attitude toward others taller than he is."
   11. "Luck is against me. Maybe next time I will get lucky."

Journal Activity 5

• Cahn & Abigail 4  Apply it p. 102 #4

Apply It

1. Take a sheet of paper and make three columns. In each column, describe a conflict in which you thought the other person should change, you were able to change the conditions (or social environment) of the conflict, and you thought you should change in yourself. Which of the changes was easiest to implement? Why?

2. Take a sheet of paper and make three columns on it. Label the columns instrumental goal, relationship goal, and identity goal. In each column, describe a conflict you experienced or observed with that goal. What made it a conflict? How did you resolve the conflict?

3. Take a piece of paper and write a description of a conflict you recently experienced or observed. Below your description, list the actions you took that you would label as assertive. If you discover that none were taken, list the assertive actions you could have taken.

4. Look at the following statements. Which are correctly stated needs or feeling statements?

a. I feel disappointed that you are backing out of this show after you agreed to help me with it.

b. You really irritate me when you don't show up for a date with me.

c. I need assurance I am loved in a language I understand.

d. I need for you to tell me where a class is going so that I can get excited about it.

e. I feel like a single parent around here.

f. You don't seem to contribute anything to our group project.

g. I feel frustrated when it seems that I have sole responsibility for planning our dates.

h. I feel like I am going crazy.

i. I feel insecure when we don't have at least the equivalent of a month's salary in the bank.

j.  I am not the only person who's having trouble in your class.

Journal Activity 6

• Cahn & Abigail 4 Apply it p. 102  #5

5.  Look at the following statements. Which statements are goal statements specifying a clear want? 

a. Let's get together for lunch.

b. I want us to spend more time together with the kids.

c. I want you to attend this class with me.

d. I wish we could play different kinds of music around here instead of yours all the time.

e. I want to stop feeling overwhelmed.

f.  I don't want your pity!

g. I wish you'd get off my case!

h. I would like us to have one night a week, Wednesday, just for ourselves.

i. I want you to exercise more.

j. I want you to put your dirty clothes in the laundry instead of on the floor.

Journal Activity 7

• Cahn & Abigail 4 -Apply It - p. 102 #6

6.      Fill in the blanks with words that complete the sentence using the formula:

a. I feel . . . ?when . . . ?because . . . ?I want . . .

b. I feel ___________  when I have to wait and wait because I hate waiting around and wasting time. I want to leave at the time we agreed on.

c. I feel frustrated when __________  because I don't know what is expected of me. I would like some help on how to improve my grades.

d. I feel angry at myself when we stay out too late and drink too much because___________ . I want to get more sleep and cut down on my drinking.

e. I feel frustrated when I am the only one who cleans up this place because it's not fair to me. I want___________ .

Create your own I-statements:

f. I feel afraid when ___________  because___________ . I want           .

g. I feel ___________  when ___________  because___________ . I want ___________ 

 Journal Activity 8

• Cahn & Abigail 5  Work with it #1  p. 130 #1-5   answer all questions after case study.

Work with It

Form several small groups of about five persons in each group (if possible make them mixed, male and female). Assign the groups to discuss the following questions, one at a time with one person designated to report the group census to the class. After achieving a consensus on how to deal with the problem, ask the designated person to summarize the group's view. Compare and contrast the different solutions posed by each group to see if there is a class consensus on how best to deal with the situation before moving on to the next question.

1. How should you deal with violent acts by a family member?

2. How should you prepare for possible violent acts in the workplace?

3. How should you deal with road rage?

4. How should you deal with jealousy by a romantic partner?

5. How should you deal with sexual harassment in the workplace?

Journal Activity 9

• Sande, chs. 4 and 5: Reflection paragraph
• Reconcile Sande's approach to "rights" and "I" statements on p. 92 and 102-109 with Cahn & Abigail's list of rights on p.  83.  Are these two approaches compatible with each other?  Write no more than a ½ page.

• Cahn & Abigail 13 - Apply it.  #4 - P. 315

Work with It

Determine "your worldview" by considering your answers to the following questions. Put the answers on one page, if possible, so that you can see how they correspond to one another. Are there inconsistencies in what you believe and think? Where are they? How do you reconcile them to one another? Worldviews generally contain, either implicitly or explicitly, the answers to these questions:25

1. What is a human being? Where do we come from?

2. What is the ultimate reality? Is it a supernatural being?

3. What happens to people at death?

4. What is right with our society? Why do you think that is? Another way of thinking about this is to ask "what is good?"

5. What is wrong with our society? Why do you think that is? Another way of thinking about this is to ask "what is evil?"

6. What should we be striving to do in this lifetime?

7. What are your responsibilities in the various roles you play?

8. As a human being?

9. As a citizen of this country?

10. As an inhabitant of earth?

11. As a family member?

12. As a friend?

13. As an employee?

14. As a student?