Please use the answer sheets found at the end of this document.
(1) Clearly the moral standards of our youth have decayed. Two medical doctors at Central Hospital appeared recently on a talk show, and both were convinced that the youth of today have no morals at all.
(2) Smith, Adams, and Harris all outlived their wives, and their wives were younger than they were. It must be the case that all men outlive women these days.
(3) A spokesman for the government has argued that our insistence on a twelve percent increase in pay for steel workers is inflationary. But the government's own actions are far more inflationary than ours. The government just gave a fifteen percent increase to every single employee of the giant federal bureaucracy.
(4) I am the greatest Words With Friends player there is. I beat everybody; everybody that doesn't cheat, that is. And how do I know that the people that beat me cheat? Because I am the best Words With Friends player there is, so you would have to be cheating in order to beat me.
(5) Professors have argued for the new attendance policy as good for student retention. But we, the students, know that the attendance policy should be rejected. The Professors really just want an audience for their boring lectures.
(6) Let us compare Aspirin and Morphine. Aspirin is an analgesic drug, and it is appropriately purchased over the counter. Morphine is an analgesic drug too. Therefore, morphine should be available over the counter.
(7) You have been rather outspoken lately in your criticism of the administration; but I am sure that you will want to keep your mouth shut in the future, because several of those who have been critical in the past have now lost their jobs.
(8) Dog owners have asked that they be allowed to bring their pets to the beach. This request will have to be denied. If dogs are allowed on the beach, then soon we will have horses and cows. Before long there will be sheep, goats, pigs, and chickens. All that potential food will attract the owners of jaguars, lions, and tigers. In the end, the beach will be a war zone.
(9) Either we allow prayer in public schools or we completely ban religion altogether -no more churches, temples, mosques... But we don't want to make religion illegal. Hence, prayer must be allowed in public schools.
(10) I know that someone got car jacked on this road last week; that is exactly why I am taking it. It has got to be safe now, what are the chances of a second car jacking two weeks in a row?
(11) Marsha is very independent; she has few close friends and is quite content to be on her own. Voters registered as Independents don't usually vote for establishment candidates. Hence, Marsha won't vote for Hillary.
(12) The Surgeon General recently issued a report arguing that one third of the cancer fatalities in the United States can be attributed to smoking. But this claim is ridiculous. Smoking produces a great deal of enjoyment for millions of Americans. What would life be like if you couldn't enjoy something once in a while?
(13) Steve, do you still drive your car like a madman?
(14) Most elderly people who are hospitalized with cancer eventually die from the disease. Hence, if you are diagnosed with cancer you must stay clear of hospitals, else you will surely die.
(15) Mr. Thompson is clearly unqualified to operate the Paradise Day Care Center for young children. A few years ago Thompson was convicted of fifteen counts of child molestation and statutory rape.
(16) You have heard Congressman Atkins' arguments in favor of reduced military expenditures. But surely you won't take them seriously. Atkins, as you know, is an admitted alcoholic, and rumor has it that he abuses his wife and children.
(17) What do you mean you don't eat meat and that it is wrong to eat meat? Everyone around here eats meat. Now go get you some BBQ.
(18) If there is no God, then there is no meaning to life. But there must be meaning to life. Hence, there is a God.
(19) No one has ever proved that smoking small amounts of marijuana over long periods of time is harmful. We can therefore conclude that this practice is completely safe.
(20) Mr. Rankin has just given his argument against the equal pay for equal work bill as unnecessary for gender equality. It seems what he is saying is that women should stay out of the work place altogether. Just keep them barefoot and pregnant. That's what Rankin wants. Well, I think that we are all smart enough to reject that argument.
(21) Fellow citizens! Today we are threatened with the loss of our sacred right to bear arms. A pack of gutless, liberal politicians wants to outlaw the sale of handguns. But they won't get away with it. The right to bear arms is guaranteed in the Constitution! Our blessed forefathers created this right and bestowed it on all Americans. Protect the constitution! Hear our cry! Down with the gutless pinkos!
(22) Why did you purchase a handgun? Joey down the street committed suicide with a handgun that was in the house. And in the next town over, a five-year-old child accidently shot his grandfather when he found his grandfather's gun. Guns are not safe.
(23) What do you mean you don't want to be there when the doors open at 12:00am on Black Friday, everyone else is going.
(24) Of course I keyed his car. The jerk cheated on me!
(25) I am going into banking, so I am subscribing to The Wall Street Journal; most successful investment bankers do.